12 October 2011

I got taken out to dinner at Balthazar by a man with romantic intents, who gave me a bunch of red roses and bought me half the menu (and we shared three desserts between us).

My first real expensive restaurant dinner date at 30. I feel as if there must be some mistake and he was supposed to take me to a Mexican restaurant, like the only other dinner date I have been taken on.

The place was full of men dining with each other, which I found quite hilarious - very Boys Club.

I am still single in my head and I may have slipped and checked out some seriously hot and young Engineering-Types (set of four) getting up from a table.

But, even now, knowing he took me there, I still feel like I must have dreamt the whole 'real date' thing.

I am trying to work out how to remain the Grown Up Lady that gets taken on real dates by real men. It just has to be done.

***

It feels WEIRD to be a grown-up lady who has been on a grown-up date. I am trying to get over the huge feeling of obligation I feel towards him for spending so much money on me. I have this overwhelming urge to cook him about a million cakes.

I am keeping the feeling under control though. I have to learn to let men do what they do best ... make the moves.

He is so clever, and so funny, it was an excellent night all around.

Although I was TERRIFIED beforehand because I have never been on a real date and I was hoping I wouldn't be abrasive or over-the-top enthusiastic or uncool. I was super charming all evening because it is the social contract after all if he is taking me out, I should be on my best behaviour. And I jumped right out of the car at the end of the evening and waved goodbye with gusto ... gotta be a lady on the first date.

I do feel like a bit of a fraud though, I am actually quite uncomfortable with the thought of men spending money on feeding me because while I am happy to be a good guest, social contract wise, I
do not want to provide any other services that may conceivably ALSO be included in the modern social contract.

I have only ever required my partners to earn their own money, pay their own way, be cool to hang out with and be of sound sexual health in a committed relationship. I do not expect expensive dinners (that we don't share the cost for) and I get really overwhelmed when receiving flowers, which I am finding quite amusing to experience.
What am I? 19?

Anyway, so, that is the strange little thoughts going through my head. But I am not sharing them with the man of course. I am staying aloof and charming, as a grown-up lady who gets taken to restaurants should be, and trying to remind myself that I have had plenty of these egalitarian relationships to date, time to try different styles ...