dying of the cold
Morning sweetie
You know the way I sounded this morning? Well, if you looked at my soul at the moment it would look like I sounded. I am in a great black hole of boredom and tiredness, disillusionment and loneliness. It is like I have forgotten what it is like to be happy all the time. Sometimes I listen to the complaints, bitching, derogatory and cynical comments spilling out of my mouth and I swear that I am not the person I used to be and I want to scream and cry.
I just want to go home. I want to sit in sunlight on the beach, watch unbearably happy people and know that there is nothing standing between my heart and that of those that love me but warm, brown skin.
I cannot imagine how I am going to fare this winter. I am being really bolshie about doing things I love now, I refuse to mix with people that annoy me (the Fi and Kim sagas have reached their conclusions) and I am consciously trying to get that mischievous sense of enjoying everything back. But this place sucks it ALL out of me.
Why do I have to leave my heart all black and blue to keep my mind happy? I am not sure I am the sacrificial kind I think, I cannot neglect one part of my soul for the other. I am tired, I need some sunlight and I need a goddamn hug.
*grr*
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