24 October 2006

What a great collection of emails we have here! :) You on a cultural journey through a country of myth and misery, me in the middle of an excruciating love affair!

Udaipur sounds incredible, especially all those real palaces. What extraordinary sights they must be. I also like the google ads that pop up when I open your emails - I can buy a trip to Udaipur right now!

As per usual, my only news is that he and I are getting worse, today was SO embarrassing I keep getting aftershocks of whole-body embarrassment *gloom*

Let's recap: from the first time I met him and for the three months subsequent it took me about three hours to be able to think after I had seen him, but I was in control all other times. Then a month ago he started stepping up the contact and my recovery time after seeing him escalated from a day, to days, to weeks now.

THEN I started getting hot knees when he wasn't around, then I started forgetting the rest of the world when he was around, then I actively ignored the rest of the world when he was around.

Today I actually reached the worst level yet in this saga - when he arrived in the office my knees actually wobbled, I stammered, I was so nervous I just ended up not saying anything and then, well, for the first time when he was actually there, I flushed to my hair for no other reason than he was teasing me. It was like I was fifteen and in love with the Trinity Head Boy. I was in NO WAY a 25-year-old woman, I was a lovesick teenager.

My only consolation is that while I may have been all too aware that my face was singing the paper on my desk, I was not talking (from terror that I would mess up a five-word sentence for the fourth time) and so was able to watch his entire face heat up as red as his cheeks always are, he actually went redder than me and looked like he was sunburnt. I have NEVER seen such a pathetic pair as the two of us.

It is entirely unfair, I have important essays to write, and stopping obsessing over him enough to do them justice is going to become as likely as me dying my hair blonde again.

I am so, so, SO screwed it is not funny :(

But, to my credit, and to the terror of my whole body, I am actually going to say something. I tried to get him alone this afternoon but was thwarted by rude workmates who insisted on wanting me to work (stupid people). I know he has to be in tomorrow or Thursday so I am going to be prepared to ask him to take a walk with me and I will simply lay my cards on the table.

I cannot operate like this for another two months or he will end up thinking I am a permanently pink, stuttering idiot whose knees fold the other way.

*crazed laughter* oh god I am getting nervous just thinking about it, I need to go have a lie-down. 

Enjoy your night in the palace my sweet, also the cooking and the tattoo